Research indicates that women in abusive relationships often attempt to leave an average of seven times before finally breaking free. Despite this reality, society frequently responds with oversimplified judgments such as, “Why doesn't she just leave?” or even placing blame directly on survivors. The reality, however, is far more complex, deeply rooted in what experts refer to as "fusional dynamics."

What Are Fusional Dynamics?

Fusional dynamics describe relationships characterized by extreme emotional and psychological enmeshment.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel more like your partner’s mother than his equal? Where you’re constantly picking up the pieces, managing emotions, and keeping everything afloat—while slowly watching your sexual energy and sense of self slip away?

If so, you’re not alone. And it’s not just about “bad behavior” or “laziness.” What you may be experiencing has deep psychological roots—namely, a dynamic known in Jungian psychology as anima projection.

Let’s unpack what this means and how it can covertly drain a woman’s vitality and power.

Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse that works silently—through fear, manipulation, and domination—often leaving no visible bruises. The term was first coined by sociologist and gender violence expert Evan Stark, who powerfully describes it as a system in which “the victim becomes captive in an unreal world created by the abuser, entrapped in a web of confusion, contradiction, and fear”(Stark, 2007).

In recent years, the severity of coercive control has gained legal recognition. It is now criminalized in the UK (2015), Scotland (2018), Ireland (2018), Northern Ireland (2021), and New South Wales, Australia (2022), as well as in several U.S. states.

As appealing as it may seem to take a retreat-style "magic pill" and instantly solve life’s challenges, the reality is far more complex. Lasting transformation doesn't come from a single weekend getaway or a moonlit dance ritual.

The booming market of women’s empowerment programs often sells quick-fix fantasies—sacred dance, goddess circles, spiritual coaching—with promises to awaken your inner power. And while the language is compelling, not everything that sparkles is gold.

This article explores a groundbreaking pilot intervention that integrates Dance Movement Therapy (DMT) and traditional Greek folk dance into the recovery process for women survivors of gender-based violence (GBV) in the Netherlands. Conducted within Oranje Huis, one of the most progressive domestic violence shelters in Amsterdam, the study measured the impact of culturally embedded dance practices on participants' self-esteem and anxiety. The results, both qualitative and quantitative, highlight dance as a potent therapeutic modality capable of bridging body, memory, and narrative—ultimately restoring agency and vitality in women whose identities had been fractured by trauma.

🌪 The Explosive Mix of Power Imbalance and Intermittent Rewards: How Traumatic Bonds Take Hold—and How to Break Free

There’s a reason many of us remain connected to those who cause us pain: a powerful, atomic-level reaction called traumatic bonding. First identified in the early 1980s by psychologists Donald Dutton and Susan Painter, traumatic bonding explains why victims often cling to abusers despite the cost, out of fear of losing them.

🔥 What’s Fueling This Bond?

Two elements ignite this psychological fuse:

1. Power Imbalance
   When one person holds emotional, financial, or physical control, it sets the stage for dependency. Dutton & Painter emphasized this imbalance as the foundational precondition of traumatic bonding. Lenore Walker later popularized the idea through her "cycle of abuse," showing how dominance, tension, and calm loop endlessly—trapping victims in a cycle of hope.

2. Intermittent Reinforcement

Who holds responsibility for abuse?

It’s an age-old question.

And one that, under the comfy lullaby of patriarchy, many have until very recently answered—wholeheartedly, or somewhat blindly—with a resounding yes… she is to blame! Why did she stay so long or return there?

Let’s unpack this.

A groundbreaking 2023 study in neuroscience, conducted by Myra Fernandez and Brady Roberts at the University of Waterloo, confirmed what ancient people have always known intuitively: our brains remember symbols more easily than words. But symbols are more than memory devices—they are vessels of emotion and experience. They “speak” the mysterious language of the soul, reaching places words cannot touch. They awaken dormant parts of our psyches, activating archetypal forces within.

Since the dawn of human civilization, symbols have served as powerful keys to the unseen. They transcend language and time, encoding knowledge and cosmic energies. For the ancients—from Sumer to Egypt, from India to Greece—symbols were not decorative flourishes. They were energetic tools for intention, healing, and transformation. Each symbol was a portal, not only to inner and collective wisdom but to the fulfillment of desires. As such, for centuries, they influenced not just the soul, but the body as well.

It silences their voices, shrinks their choices, polices their bodies, and limits their potential. But what we rarely say out loud — what we need to name, too — is that patriarchy wounds everyone. Including men, children, and grown-ups as well.

Patriarchy is not just a "women's issue." It's a human issue. And it's time we look at the cost it imposes on all of us.

The Female Cost: Obvious and Pervasive

Trauma bond is a powerful emotional attachment that forms between an abuser and their victim. It’s not rooted in love or genuine connection—it’s forged in a cycle of abuse, confusion, and intermittent kindness. And the cruel irony is: while you were drowning in emotional pain, they barely felt a ripple.

Here’s what makes trauma bonds so challenging to break—and why the experience is so different for the victim and the abuser.

1. You Felt Powerless—They felt exhilarated with complete Control over your actions

Victims of trauma bonds often feel emotionally imprisoned. They live through extreme emotional highs and lows: moments of affection followed by punishment, withdrawal, or cruelty. This cycle creates dependency.

At first glance, the idea that abuse can destroy every aspect of a woman’s life—her friendships, career, health, and sense of self—might sound exaggerated or even unbelievable. Some may dismiss it as bad luck, fate, or even something as far-fetched as a curse or black magic.

But if you’ve never found yourself in the grip of domestic abuse, it's nearly impossible to understand the depth of its impact—unless you've been professionally trained in recognizing dynamics like coercive control or intimate terrorism.

When a beloved mother, sister, daughter, or friend is caught in the web of a coercively controlling relationship, the natural instinct of family and friends is to do something—anything—to save her. Yet too often, these efforts, though well-meaning, fall painfully short. Why?

Not because of a lack of love.

But because of a lack of understanding.

It's human nature to seek approval from others, especially those we trust and respect. When these individuals are empathetic and supportive, it typically fosters healthy validation. However, placing your sense of self-worth in the hands of a narcissistic or exploitative individual is profoundly risky and nearly always backfires.

Narcissists excel at keeping their partners in emotional limbo—offering just enough positive reinforcement to sustain hope, yet undermining it with subtle criticisms and manipulative behavior.

Toxic relationships can take many forms, affecting personal, family, and workplace dynamics. For survivors of domestic abuse or gender-based violence, recognizing manipulation tactics can be difficult—especially before they fully understand that what they’re experiencing is abuse.

The Manipulator’s Playbook: Wearing You Down